Last week I was diagnosed with Mixed Anxiety and Depressive Disorder and PTSD. It was not unexpected but still I have a whole mixture of emotions about it. One conclusion I have drawn, is that being a good mother and having a mental illness are not mutually exclusive. Our babies just see Mama. For them you are everything. Nothing changes that. As many of you may know, due to the nature of the beast, that’s not always easy to remember! Today is one of those days when I needed to remind myself of that.
I don’t want to let this beat me and for today, at least, I haven’t. Lots of things can make parenting more of a challenge, but a challenge is something I can face. I faced it today and it was hard but I still got through the day. I still loved my little girl with all my heart despite feeling like the world was closing in. And that is all she saw today, a mother, unimpeded. A mothers love.
I put pen to paper and a sort of poem took shape about this. Ok, don’t judge me!!! I haven’t written a poem since I was about 12 years old. But I had a large glass of wine in the sunshine this afternoon and thought I’d give it a whirl to see if it altered my mood. It did! Thought I’d share it. I hope it helps someone…